Sorry guys,

I take off two days from blogging, mostly to mourn Eva Longoria's marriage. I'm sorry girl, especially cause you were so nice to the writesr when we were on the picket line a couple of years ago. If i didn't say it then, let me just say, thanks for the pizza -- much appreciated and sorry about thing way things shook out with Tony. You're not the first woman to marry a professional athlete and discover that when you're not around, your hubby was double and triple dippin' w/miscellaneous side pieces aka skanks. Don't you watch "Basketball Wives"? That one girl is pretty and she's married to guy w/a goiter on his forehead the size of Texas and he cheats on her as often as he breaths.  The tale is almost as old as Jesus, except I'm guessing in those times it wasn't told with basketball players but you get my drift. You want my advice?  Take a page out of Sandy's book -- adopt a cute little black baby. Have you seen Louie? He's adorbs, no? Looking at his face or some version of it (I'm not suggesting you steal Louie, you've already got enough on your plate. let's not add kidnapping), will make a world of difference. Think about it, mm'kay? Okay, where was I?

Right.. Simple Sarah has done it again. This moose loving idiot has made me stabbytwice in one week. Gawd help me if she actually runs for President. Who are we kidding? She's gonna run and I'm gonna spend the majority of 2011 and 2012 stabby to the 10th degree. Damn you John McCain!!! Why couldn't you just grow old and cranky in Florida like most old people.


Back to Sarah, allow me to list the things that got me all rampagey.


1) I get it. She's learned two new words -- Quantative Easing-- Good job, Sarah now have a cookie and go sit your ass down. Just because you've learned two new words, it doesn't mean you know what they mean. Allow me to 'splain it... I'm typing slowly so you can follow along ... stop worrying about inflation because of QE (I'm abb-re-vi-ating). We've already been down this road and nothing happened. Remember the QE in 2008. Of course you don't because you're an idiot. Just take my word for it, if only because I managed to graduate from the one and only college I attended in four years... with two majors. The QE in 2008 was approx. 1.5 Trillion dollars. Do you remember the hell that ensued -- hyperinflation, food and house prices through the roof, rioting in the streets, John Boehner unable to afford his orange julius body Spackle? The answer is that of course you don't, because it didn't happen you ninny.
QE #2 is 800 B dollars. Do you see where I'm going? It's less than half of the first QE. This money is a drop in a bucket. I'd get into GDP and how that applies, but it would make even my own eyes glaze over -- so I'll just say, the economy is still for shit. But QE is the least of our problems and if you're so concerned about the economy maybe call up Johnny B and Eric C and ask them if instead of trying to defund NPR and repeal "obamcare" they could come up with a plan for job creation? That'd be awesome.


2) Her daughters Willow and Bristol. No, I'm not gonna pile on them about their facebook rants. Okay, I'm not gonna pile on Willow. She's a child and I know unfortunately that kids use fag**t often. I don't like it but they do. . But what is the deal with Bristol? She's got a child of her own. Why is she even on facebook getting into flame wars with other people. Yes, they were talking about her family. Guess what? You're public figures. People will talk about you. I'm talking about you. Are you going to answer me?  At some point, you have to learn how to let stuff go. Your daughter's reaction just underscores what I"ve often said about you Sarah. You are too damned thin skinned to be in politics. Teach your kids to "shake it off," it sure as hell worked for Mariah Carey. And Sarah your grown ass daughter acts like a snarky teen on facebook, because your old ass acts like a snarky teen on facebook.  Not to mention, people attacking your daughters on facebook is not an excuse for this behavior. Gay kids are committing suicide at alarming rates. Why couldn't you have used this an opportunity to educate some people? And lastly, and I'll admit it's petty, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Maybe if you kept your kids in school instead of taking them with you every time you traveled to spread your word salad, Willow would know the difference between "your" and "you're". I'm just saying.


3) Today you tweeted that your publishers were leaking out of context portions of your book and you wondered if it was illegal. DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE??? These out of context portions are EXCERPTS. It's SOP for a highly anticipated book. As to the legality of such a practice,  I won't even get into a little something called "fair use" because I fear the explanation would break your brain. So I'll say... just because you "wrote" a book doesn't mean you "own" it. The publisher has the right to release excerpted portions without asking you/your ghostwriter's permission. You signed a contract. Didn't you read it? Of course you didn't -- well next time you should. If you read anything besides Piper's mad libs, you'd notice that entire chapters of books are excerpted all. of. the. time. The five or six measly passages they've released is nothing. This is how publishers whet the appetite of the book buying public. They're doing this to help sell the effin' thing. They're doing this to help themselves, which in turn helps you to the tune of MILLIONS MORE DOLLARS for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Just think of how many Armani skirts you can buy with that money -- skirts you won't have to return after the election. Ah... now I can see it's sinking in. 


3a) Just the fact that she tweets and sends out facebook messages but won't allow herself to be interviewed by the "lamestream" media and the fact that she calls it that. She wants to be the leader of the free world!!! Who does that? What woman behaves this way and expects to taken seriously on an international stage? And.. does she really think she can run for president and avoid 90% of the press? Really? Seriously? UGH... Do. Not. Want.

 i guess I'm done, at least until I liveblog next week's "wasilla hillbillies"  reality show. Oh and Sarah if you're reading this... cause we all know you've got google alert damn near tattooed on your tits... all I have to say is "hey girl, keep reading, cause as long as i'm blogging, i'm gonna be talking about you... a lot". :)

Please god, let there be some inane celebrity news to occupy me tomorrow. Writing about Sarah gives me a headache in my eye. Also. Too.


1BlkGrl