Sarah Palin, I watch so you don't have to and because I'm apparently a masochist...

Sarah Palin's Alaska -- Ep #1, I Watch So You Don't have to... though if you'd like to watch EP#2, thus preventing me from using a staple to gouge out my left eye, you are more than welcome... I'm just sayin... 9pm (pst) first things first Sarah P aka "Moronica" states that she loves Alaska "like she loves her family," which of course leads me to wonder if she'll be soon quitting her family to "grift across America" as she did when she quit her job as Gov. of Alaska. 9:03pm -- opening shot of her family doing their best "J. Crew, we are white, good-looking and we hunt/fish/swim" imitation. As the credits role I find myself asking, "Who the fuck is buying this shit?" And... if I know them is it okay to immediately disown them for  the crime of being too stupid for respiration? 9:05pm -- Damn --- or what I like to call Jesus on a pogo-stick, Sara is "reading" and instructs us that she likes to her "researching" on her back porch it seems. Though I have to ask what the hell kind of "researching/reading?" requires long looks towards your lake and not the limited number of reading materials in front of you? Gawd, it's been five minutes and already my hatred for this twit is boundless. 9:10pm (ish) -- Ms. Palin and her oddly obsequious husband complain about Joe Mcginnis moving next door, "invading her family's prvacy" and forcing Todd to build a 14"fence. Oh and she also implies that Joe is a pedophile. What's worse, she's complaining about her lack of privacy to the tv crew who's been hired to follow her around!!!!!! 9:15-For-EVAH (or 9:30is) They do some unrealistic "family stuff" which includes fishing and hanging out with a bear. At some point I'm assaulted with the following quote "The only thing more frustrating than note catching a fish, is watching Todd catching a fish." WTF??? Excuse me if spraign my eyes from rolling them -- did the person who spent 175K on CLOTHES courtesy of the Republican Nat'l Committee just say that? Shit... I paused the tape and rewound - guess what? she said it and she did it in that screechy "hide your husbands and your children" voice. Apologies to A. Dodson. 9:30 to the end--- Gawd help me-- not sure if it's fair to type those words since I don't believe in God, per se... but whatever, this ain't about me. Guess what? I don't have the stamina to continue this farce. I'll continue tomorrow. So be on the lookout for failed "momma grizzly" references. more slanderous/libelous allegations about the reporter "next door" and lastly, i may need to discuss Bristol's recent weight gain... y'all know what I mean. I'm sorry the last time a DWTS contestant gained weight? I"ll take 1990 "never" for 1000k Alex. I'm just saying... okay... i'm back guys just finished watching. Funny how much easier it was to watch with the benefit of the ole' fast forward button 9:20 (sorry forget this part last night) Sarah and her family basically harass a couple of grizzly bears, while she uses them as a reference to Momma Grizzlies. Get it? She's like the grizzly protecting America from Soshulism, all while quitting her job. 9:27 Sarah tells Willow her boyfriend "no boys upstairs", which seems to me are words that Bristol may have benefited from. It doesn't because the boyfriend ignores Momma Grizzly and goes upstairs anyway. When even 17 year old boys don't respect you, how can you be an effective world lea-- oh, never mind DEATH PANELS!!! Thhat's why. 9:30-9:40 Introduction to the TV studio out back that Todd helped build, because every Presidential candidate needs one of those... And the entire family goes on a road trip, including her parents, to a national park. Apparently her family is the Patridge Family because if my eyes don't deceive me they're driving around in a family bus. Dear God, help me if they break out into song. Also, at some point while on the bus Todd chimes in about taxation, something to do with business and dice.  Hell if I know what the fuck he means... 9:45pm Todd and Sarah climb a glacier together. Sarah waxes on about mother nature... who cares? She and Todd bicker the whole way up the damn thing...At some point, she stands over a crevass, as omminous music plays. Am I supposed to believe for a second she's in danger of falling in? Oh TLC you slay me with your anvil like editing tactics.  9:47 until the end of the show -- Sarah is still on the damn glacier, while at the same time telling us the show isn't about her. It's about Alaska and her love for her state, which then begs the question if you love it so damned much why'd you quit being governor. 10:00 She and Todd get off the damn glacier and go home. The end.  Okay, I want that hour back.